did i mention?

during all the nuttiness at the school my book won an IACP award, which is a big effing deal, peeps. a seriously big deal. not as big as a james beard award, but second to that. like a golden globe to an oscar.

so that was good. and now we're trying to sell the next book and i gotta tell you, i could certainly use an infusion of cash around here.

and i'm hoping to get a real job--you know, the kind where you get a check every couple of weeks. but i have to convince someone to create the job first. that might be a bit of a challenge.

the kids are delightful in an insane sort of way. the boy is doing karate now. twice a week for $100/mo. so far he loves it, but it's pretty hilarious to watch his legs and arms trying to figure out how to go in all the right directions. he's been very sensitive to all the goings on about the school, even developed insomnia for a while. i'm not sure how to understand what he feels because i know he feels everything about this much more deeply than i do. psycho was in his life for four of his six years and now all she wants to do is hurt his mom. and he has to go to a new school. public school. which i'm sure is a wonderful school, but it's huge and different from everything he's been involved with since he was 2.9 years old. i fear his monsters are even bigger than mine. and he doesn't talk much about it because he's his father's son.

the girl. i can't decide whether she's a genius or a just a goofball. she's amazingly advanced in some things (like talking and repeating things she's heard--mother of the year award to me for having a kid who says, "come on, dumbass!"* to her brother), and in others, like counting, for example, she's quite dense. "one, two, three, NINE, TEN!" and potty training? not even on the freaking radar. "K no potty mommy." not even on the flipping dora seat. or for stickers. or for two stickers. not even for a lollipop. i keep trying to figure out if it's me, if i'm just not engaged enough, or if she's just that damned stubborn. i'm going with the latter since she appears to take after me that way.

psycho pissed me off to no end today. put my stuff out on the porch on a rainy day just to be a bitch. J had to make several trips over there to get it all home.

i think i must be quite stupid. wide-eyed and dumbfounded every time people do nasty things just for the sake of being nasty. the world cracks open a little more every time. mostly i'm just incredibly offended. and frightened. because people as spiteful as she is are just plain scary.

the good news?

i no longer have to live in her miserable little world.

oh, and tomorrow i turn 39.

*for the record, i do not say "come on dumbass" to my kids, only to the dog. who totally deserves it.