for B

this one's for B because his yesterday was my today and i jacked him up about it a little, so i deserved it. and also? i know there are gajillions of moms and dads our there having the same day tomorrow…

yesterday B’s mood was fouled up because school was canceled, due to an technical difficulty with the propane heat. in truth, and aside from the boy’s unexpected stay at home, his day didn’t start as he’d hoped, generally. having the kid there just brought his grumpiness into sharper focus because, as he would later explain, the inane questions just. never. stopped.

i joked with him and said, “welcome to my little world, only it’s my little world every damned day!” how bad could one day be? one tiny little day in the grand scheme of things? as we all know, especially for the free-wheeling spirits among us who need days of uninterrupted focus to wander freely around in our heads and homes, even one day can be daunting, oppressive, and just downright irritating. it’s almost as bad as being trapped in a moving vehicle with two yappity yappers yappity yapping over and around each other, one trying to out yell the other just to be the one who is heard when there is nothing a parent can do but drive on. and fantasize about pulling over and making a run for it.

so today, after a quick morning game of red light, green light roll in the hay (come on—any one of you with mobile kids who can get out of their own beds in the morning know this game and know that even locked doors don’t help because children? they can do that teleporting thing), J announced that he’d be at the office today. all day. i was slightly hung over from last night’s debauchery, but got up and made everyone pancakes anyway. and then all i wanted was to be left alone for a little while to do some work. and rehydrate. five minutes in and there they were, climbing into the refrigerator. the boy got some drinkable yogurt. the girl screamed until he got her one too. then they commenced with the asking for and announcing of things.

“mommy, can we have some chocolate?”

“mommy, can we have some lemonade?”

“mommy, can we have a fruit leather?”

“mommy, is it lunch time yet?” (it was 10am)

“mommy, it’s 10:34.” (mmmm. hmmm.)

“mommy, is it lunch time yet?”

“mommy, i’m hungry.”

“mommy, pick me up.”

“mommy, K pooped!”

“mommy, it’s 11:01”

“mommy, is it lunch time yet?”

“can i have a banana?”

“can i have an apple?”

“what are we having for lunch?”

“i’m bored.”

GO OUTSIDE

“mommy, i want hummus and pretzels.”

“mommy, i hurt my finger.”

“mommy, my socks hurt, can you fix them?”

“can i have a turkey and cheese roll up?”

“I WANT CHOCOLATE MILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLK!”

“NO! DON’T TALK MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.”

Jeebus. EAT ALREADY.

so by 2pm today they had gone through 10 (oh, you think i’m joking, don’t you?) drinkable yogurts (the little ones, in their defense—i think they’re less than 2 ounces each), four fruit leathers, two roll-up sandwiches, a pile of pancakes, two bananas, and an apple.

and they ran laps around the interior of the house about 4,000 times, all while screaming and bouncing random objects as close to my head as possible.

the girl slept from 2 to 4:30pm and during that time i had to endure the boy’s proclamations of deadly boredom oh, say, maybe 18 million times.

J didn’t show up until after 6pm. i thought i might kill him by the time he walked through the door.  and then i thought, “this is what i get for jacking B up.”

i’m sorry, B. i should have been more sympathetic. how efficient is my karma, though? kicked my ass the very next day!

oh, and p.s. you know that puzzle we finished last night? k spilled an entire glass of chocolate milk on it. yeahhhhhhhhhhhh.

Comments

[slouching mom]

I am still marveling at how you flew over to my town and peeked in our windows today. The boys were on fire! Nonstop talking, fighting with each other, having accidents about which I was less than sympathetic ("Mommy, I hurt my knee, boo hoo"; "Well, yes, Jack, if you're going to use my grandmother's antique desk (our only real furniture) as a catapult between the den and the kitchen, you will be hurting your knee -- it's a fact"). We even put out a desperate call to our sitter for tonight. She never called us back. She knew.

And my boys were also jacked up on go-gurt. Monday cannot come soon enough for me. I am begging tomorrow to be better. For you, too.

[Heather]

Where did you go L??? I miss you.