you think you can do anything!

she hurled that at me in a way that implied insult. alas, she was foiled again! it's no insult, as far as i'm concerned. yes. it's true. string me up and beat me with thorny sticks. i do think i can do anything if i have the time and resources to study whatever that thing may be. i'm really not sure why it would be thrown as an insult. should i not have confidence in my abilities? should i assume everyone in the world is smarter than i am? more capable?

perhaps she thinks my self-confidence means *i* believe everyone around me is less smart, less capable, less confident. fyi to her: believing in myself doesn't ipso facto mean that i don't believe in anyone else. it seems she is the one who is in a pitiful place.

my confidence is hard won. i was the shyest kid in school. i never spoke one word in class all the way through college. it took every ounce of strength i had to brave living in manhattan and working at one of the *big* publishing companies. my first day at that job was like Andi's first day in The Devil Wears Prada. i cried my eyes out when i landed in new orleans to write my first travel guide even though i knew the city like the back of my hand. i survived mono in Amsterdam. it was all i could do to keep from throwing up my first day of culinary school when i realized that i had no idea what the hell i was doing there. i didn't know a speed rack from a sautoir, and veloute? something fat french people wear? ganache? call me stupid. how about quenelles? are they birds? the bag of books and case of knives i carried back to my car that day nearly felled me. oh, and then there was the working in restaurants, the only woman in a herd of obnoxious men. i was shorter, smaller, less ugly, less experienced, and by default, it was open season on me. making and flipping single serving omelets for the first time ever in front of 100 people? yeah, believe it or not, that's scary. and i survived all of it. not only that, i thrived. i came to love the challenge of something new. a chocolate business? no problem! write a few books? sure! open a school? why the hell not!

was any of this stuff really that hard? rocket science? brain surgery? life or death? no. not that i remember anyway. but everything i did opened me in a new way to new things and places and people and different parts of myself that i didn't even know were there. i gained confidence every step of the way. and i did it the old fashioned way--i earned it. and i celebrate just a little every time my baby girl screams, "NO! Me do it meself!!" because maybe, just maybe, her life will be fuller than mine because she's starting out from a much better place.

so to the woman who inspired this post, i say, stick it!

Comments

[Lisa S.]

stick it indeed. You rock.

[slouching mom]

"and i celebrate just a little every time my baby girl screams, "NO! Me do it meself!!" because maybe, just maybe, her life will be fuller than mine because she's starting out from a much better place."

Nicely put. I feel exactly the same about my two boys. There is nothing I want more for them than that they be confident in their own abilities. Except that they also be happy.

I spent most of my life being afraid of what people would think of me. No longer. I think that's one wonderful aspect of getting older. I just couldn't care less about others' judgments. And I find myself out in the world in a way I never was before. What's more, I like it!

[Colleen]

What a great post. I never pictured you as the shy type. You've come a long way, baby! I agree with slouching mom. I grew up trying to please others and always worried what they thought about me. I still struggle with that but hope to get over it and I hope to teach my daughter at a very early age that she shouldn't have to bend to the will of others. So far, I don't think that's going to be a huge concern. :) But, who knows? Maybe I started out as a willful girl too but had that part of me surpressed (by my parents, teachers, others).

I think society is extremely uncomfortable with self-confident women and therefore tries to beat it out of girls at an early age. I hope to defy that for Delaney by teaching her to be strong and be true to herself. I'd have gotten in a lot less trouble if someone had done that for me.

[MoxieMomma]

thanks ladies :) see, i just love me some commenters. so great to be out of the dead zone!