Oy! Motherhood.

is it really wednesday?

this week is flying by! no what's cooking installment this week because i'm dealing with three patients here and just don't have the energy for it. well, actually, the boy finally went back to school today, so he's technically a recovered patient....

the pukey part of the rotavirus hit the girl at 2:45 am the night before last. it was shocking, to say the least. and the puke was red, which freaked me right out because she hadn't eaten anything red all day. but then i remembered that i'd given her neon red tylenol right before bed. whew. she's now in the diarrhea phase.

and yesterday J had his surgery. he did fine, but they asked him to be there at 11am, so of course we were. and i had to take both kids because no one really wanted to babysit two kids with rotavirus and there was no way i would have let them anyway, but J needed to be in the hospital and he couldn't very well go by himself, so off we all went. they took us all back into the staging area--well, that's what i'm calling it, and i'm probably wrong, but there were lots of people in gowns hooked up to IVs waiting for their surgery, so that's what i think it was. at any rate, i hadn't expected to be taken that far into the process with two grumpy kids, but there we were. and there we sat. for two hours before we finally decided that i should take the kids home and wait for the call from the doctor to let me know he was safely out of surgery.

so off i ran, kids in tow, to the grocery store, because of course i planned everything so well that there was exactly NO food in the house on that particular day. the kids were mad by then. hungry. tired. sick. and freaked out about seeing daddy's backside hanging out a pretty little hospital gownt.

with the shopping done we ran home and i called a friend (already exposed to the evil rotavirus) to come sit with them while i picked J up from the hospital at about 4pm. she had to leave by 5, so i knew we'd be cutting it close. but, alas, the best laid plans--the man couldn't move by 4:45, so i was forced to go back home and get the kids and take them back to the hospital again. and there we sat for yet another hour and a half before J was able to stand upright.

we stopped at the pharmacy on the way home to pick up some percocet and when we finally drove into our diveway it was 7pm. it was a loooooooooong day and the man is in much pain. the pain meds help, but he says it looks like his boyz went through a meat grinder. and he thanked me for helping him put his socks on.

he's going back to work tomorrow.

cats and dogs. venus and mars. it's true what they say.

yesterday morning i had a nearly unprecedented chance to sleep in--sans bebes. J took them both downstairs around 6am. the fan was on for white noise and i blissfully couldn't hear a thing except the occasional *thump* *thump* *thumpity thump* as they ran back and forth through the kitchen, which is directly below my bedroom.

i snoozed peacefully until exactly 7:46 when i was awakened by a loud crashing sound. in my gut i knew exactly what that sound was. it was not followed by loud screaming and crying, it ended in complete silence. i knew that my laptop had been pulled from the kitchen table and that it had hit a chair and then the floor on its way down. i didn't even have to stomp downstairs to see what had happened, but i did anyway.

as i headed down i heard J saying "SHHHHH!" as if he could hide the disaster from me in spite of the fact that the dvd drawer was hanging askew and he was sitting over it looking like he might throw up from fear.

the boy ran to me announcing that the girl had done it. "i know, i know," i said, "we can't afford another one! my whole LIFE is in that machine! two books, all the baby pictures, eVeRyThInGGGGGGGGGGGG!" i wanted to yell and cry all at once. J said, "she had the cord all the way down the..." "don't even say it...please...i prefer to think it was a quick sneak attack and you had no time to discover what she was doing before she did it." he admitted it was his fault, that he hadn't been paying attention, that he'd been engrossed in some other thing.

of course that never would have happened to me because i have an instinct about what the kids are up to at all times. i know the difference between a toy sound and a cord being pulled down the hall sound without even getting up from where i'm sitting three rooms away. i know when to run and when to ignore. i can tell you what everyone in the house is doing at any given time, even blindfolded.

one time i was in the bathroom with the door closed and yelled out to the boy, "why are you letting george (the dog) get on the table?!" a few seconds of silence elapsed and he yelled back, "you can SEE that?"

you bet i can see it.

but apparently daddy can't.

the good news is that the laptop is still working. the fan seems to be running more frequently than usual and i got the blue screen of death once, but at least i had time to back everything up before it dies for good. everything is safe on cd. and i managed to fix the dvd drawer too.

the rotavirus is still here, but it's not horrible. i've seen worse.

welcome to rotavirus 2006!

there is perhaps no sound more feared and reviled by parents behind the wheel than a rush of liquid terminating in an all-too-familiar splat. this morning, halfway to school, i heard that sound. i needn't have looked to discover the source, but i did. i threw a furtive glance over my right shoulder to see the boy, wet hands pressed against his mouth, eyes wide and fearful as he erupted again and again and again into his own lap. the girl, who woke up with a fever of 102.9, laughed a little, as if to say, "what the?!"

the conversation started as it did before, "mom! am i sick?" and then without waiting for an answer, quickly progressed to, "i think i'm sick. very very sick. no, i don't think i'm sick, i *know* i'm sick."

and we turned around because what else can you do but turn around and go right back home. and he thanked me for taking him home. and told me he loves me and that i'm the best mom in the whole world and "i don't know how i'm going to get out of the car. will you help me?"

of course i helped him, i mean, if for no other reason than to protect the seats in my new car, right?

***update*** and now the diarrhea has begun. do you think J will be upset if i leave him home with two sick kids tonight while i go out for a few hours? should i care?

what's cooking wednesday!

okay, it's not the wonders of phyllo dough this week because i'm too tired from the children trying to kill me all last night. yes, both of them. and no, no one is sick. and J was out of town. *but!* i did manage to make two whole loaves of gorgeous...

Banana Bread (1 large or 2 small loaves)

3 ripe bananas
2 eggs
1/2 cup oil
1/4 cup milk
1 Tablespoon vinegar
2 Tablespoons Bourbon
1 3/4 cups flour
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup chopped pecans

1. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Prepare loaf pan(s).

2. In a large bowl mash the bananas. Add the eggs, oil, milk, vinegar, and bourbon and mix well to combine.

3. In a separate bowl combine the flour, sugars, baking soda, and salt. Whisk to mix.

4. Add wet ingredients to dry and mix just to combine. Do not overmix or your banana bread will be tough. Stir in pecans and pour batter into loaf pan(s). Bake about an hour and 20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

Suggested variations: Coconut, chocolate chips, and crystallized ginger separately or together!

And go check out one tired ema, she's got recipes up today too!!

the mommy blogger wars

i just want to say, about these mommy blogger wars, that i worked hard to get these two kids and i like writing about them and if that makes me a mommy blogger, well, then, i'll take it. and i'll wear it with pride.

i don't know why everyone gets so uppity about making distinctions between those of us who work at jobs outside the home or at home or who take fantastically good care of their kids at home all day. i've said this before and i'll say it again, we're all doing what we need to do to make things work and that's all that matters. can any of us really be pigeon-holed that easily anyway?

i mean, i work, but i do it at home. and it's hard work. and i have two kids, but i don't drive a minivan. but i do spend a lot of time shuffling kids from here to there and back again. i grocery shop and clean my own house and do my own laundry. hell, i even get excited about new cleaning thingamajigs. really. my friend dizzy and i were overjoyed by the appearance of that swiffer carpet flick thing. and i love my hoover spinbrush. i *love* it. i would give it its own special room if i could. it's *that* good.

so, where does that leave me in this war? i feel an allegiance to both sides. all sides, even. and so i think the war is stupid and should stop. no one way is better than another. imagine what a force we could be united?

give peace a chance already.

anxious

i'm anxious. i'm waiting for things to happen. good things. but i can't really move them forward by myself because all of it hinges on communication from someone i've never met before. and probably never would have met if it weren't for this one possible good thing. and i can't even reveal that thing here for fear someone who could do it damage is reading. bleh.

i believe the girl is trying to kill me. really. she was up every hour last night. for no apparent reason. the only thing i can think she was doing was making a good effort to kill me. and right now she's refusing to nap and screeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaming like the banshee that she is.

today was back to school for the boy who has been on vacation for two weeks. he sat there across from me over breakfast and said, "mom, i feel nervous about school today." i inquired further and he said, "sometimes when my friend M sees me after he hasn't seen me for a long time he is mean to me because he missed me so much and i don't want him to be mean to me." we discussed the ins and outs of what to do if M is mean to him today and he seemed satisfied. but i sat here thinking about how cool it is that he is so generous of spirit that he would give this kid, who i know is a huge pain in the ass, the benefit of his understanding of human psychology. he understands that this child doesn't know how to express his feelings in a constructive way. he's only five. it has taken me my whole life to get that. how does a five year old just know?

these kids, they are amazing--even if they are trying to kill me on a regular basis.

the problem with the boyz is

a hydrocele. in spite of the fact that J has to have surgery in two weeks to remove it, we are relieved to know it's nothing horrible. annnnnnnnnd he's going to ask about getting snipped at the same time. so all in all it's okay and everyone is relieved. um, except maybe J who has to have the surgery. he said the doctor told him they're very common and he's even seen them as big as grapefruits. hello? grapefruit? how the hell does one navigate life with a growth the size of a grapefruit protruding from that region? do you think the man who has a grapefruit-sized hydrocele is in denial? too afraid of the possible diagnosis? happy that his boyz are suddenly so grandiose? something to ponder in the wee hours, i suppose.

anyhoo, the surgery is on monday the 27th. it's an outpatient procedure but they told him not to expect to be able to do much for the rest of that day. hopefully it won't knock him off his feet for too long. he works on commission and we truly can't afford for him to be out of work for any length of time.

in other news, i have to reorganize the entire book because we lost our editor to another publishing house and the new editor wants the changes. the old one was utterly enamored of the book as it was. i think this has a lot to do with a particularly overzealous copyeditor who is trying to make an impression on my coauthor because she's getting a lot of national recognition for her work in the field. she sent this gushy, starstruck email to her and waxed rhapsodic about what an honor it is to be working with her and all that. i had a little case of "hello? remember me? the one who wrote the book?" and got a little snarly at her. (hey, you would have too!!) she then proceeded to leave my name off the title and copyright pages and queried whether i should be in the intro at all since my name hadn't appeared to that point. i was forced to get a little testicle, which i hate to do, but she is clearly a fuckwit who deserves a little testicality.

and now that i'm making words up i should probably put an end to this....

what's cooking wednesday!

ha! this time i remembered!

but i'm not going to do a formal recipe because my friend S said that what she wants to see is suggestions for adult-type sandwiches and the like, so today is sandwich day.

my all time favorite sandwich is goat cheese with sundried tomato pesto and chopped up kalamata olives on garlic sourdough. i realize not everyone can get garlic sourdough, but the bread is important, so make sure it's some crusty artisan type bread.

caramelized onions, gorgonzola, and virginia ham or roasted chicken on crusty french bread.

warm brie and ripe red pear slices on a baguette.

chicken salad with dried cranberries and walnuts on croissants.

grilled sharp cheddar, sundried tomato, and avocado sandwich on multigrain bread.

sliced grilled beef with arugula, stilton, and caramelized onions (i love me some caramelized onions).

now how's about listing your favorite sammiches, eh? (that was for the canadians in the back row). next week we'll discuss the wonders of phyllo dough.

plak-posse or, our trip to the dentist

i was all worked up this morning because i had to be at the pediatric dentist's office, which is 30 minutes away, by 8:30 and the girl, she was in a foul, foul mood. the appointment was hers.

the she devil reared her ugliness just as we were getting ready to go. the screaming and foot stomping and toy throwing commenced the moment i tried to put on her jacket. and then i said, "we need to put some shoes on, so please sit down," and she ran as fast as her wee legs could carry her into the den and back again with one pink boot dangling from her hand, swinging from the laces which were clutched in her tiny fat hands. i had her other boots waiting and quickly slipped them on. but. it was the pink boots she wanted. theee piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnk oneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees! at least, that's what i imagine the screaming would have said had it had been actual words. she turned red and screamed and threw herself hither and yon.

i ignored the tantrum and continued ushering small people out the door and into the car where i'd hoped she would nap, if only briefly, before we arrived at the dentist's office.

she didn't.

and she screamed off and on the whole way there. not crying screaming, but i-don't-want-to-be-in-this-carseat crazy screaming that makes a person feel as though a metal rod is being jammed up her spine.

unbelievably, we made it there on time. i hurried the kids out of the car and through the office door, signed in, and sat down to wait. we've never had to wait more than five minutes to get in there. today? 35 minutes. they have good toys, but still. 35 minutes closer to nap time. 35 minutes closer to real insanity. i broke a sweat sitting there just thinking about all the screaming we'd have to endure while they examined her.

finally they took us into an exam room. the boy was bouncing off the walls, but the girl was strangely quiet. they showed her a stuffed animal (and please note, the photos here are copyrighted to the site in that link).

i thought it was a little scary and may have nightmares as a result, but the girl *loved* it. she liked bo the bison too:

when the dentist arrived to look at her teeth the boy made a big show of putting his fingers in his ears so he wouldn't have to listen to the screaming. funny thing is, there was no screaming. not even a peep. she was fine. we left without incident, were given a very cool toothbrush

and a reasonable explanation for her recent insanity.

molars.

note: i strongly recommend all of the above-pictured products but could live without the molars.

my dogs are barkin' yo

thirteen miles of walkin' have set my dogs a barkin' (and apparently turned me into some kind of lame rapper wannabe or sompin). today's walk took four hours and we walked all around town, up and down a hill or two, and all around the houses as they say. it was good. i feel good. nearly fit, even. now if this spare tire around my waist would just fall the fuck off i'd be very pleased indeed. it will be a while, see, because this is how i lose weight: it starts at my head and works its way down to just above my waist, skips the hips, ass, and thighs, and continues down to the ankles before finally, *finally* dropping off the midsection. it's a waiting game. lucky for me, i've got time.

yesterday i set out to clean the house and ended up spending three hours cleaning my bedroom. at this rate the entire house should be clean in a week or so. and then i can start over--you know, like a bridge painter.

while i was cleaning the boy said, "mom, i just want you to know that if you want to have another baby you can do that now." after the girl was born he let me know, in no uncertain terms, that he was dead set against another baby. and now, suddenly, out of the clear blue, he wants me to know it's a-0K to go for number three. hmm. interesting.

the girl has her first dental appointment tomorrow at 8:30am. nuf said on that subject.

we missed her 15 month check up because i'm an idiot. i was basement skiing a few days ago and suddenly, mid-ski, realized that i missed it. and then i spent the next 24 hours trying to figure out the best excuse for why i'd missed it. um...the children did something with my date book...uh...palm pilot died...er...i suck?

looks like next week is shaping up to be doctor week. J has his appointment with a urologist on tuesday. i told him it might be a good time to have the ole snip snip chat.

hopefully the boy won't be too devastated that there are no more babies in his future.

i'm still having a hard time accepting it, myself.