Oy! Motherhood.

snipers

there's nothing i hate more than women sniping at each other about the difficult choices women have to make about supporting their families. i probably shouldn't even give it a link, but this news report and the ensuing posts on the message forum really got me going.

who is anyone to say what's best for anyone else's family (unless, of course, we're talking about crack smoking and the like)?

i'm a work at home mom. i wonder whether ms. hirshman would think what i do is bad for society as a whole? where do i fall in her line of thinking? why are things like this not more the fault of the established corporate structure than the fault of the mom who is simply trying to juggle 90 percent of all the balls?

i've made a decision that is what my husband and i think is best for our family, and then hopefully, ultimately for society as well. i would imagine that all of us have made the choices we have with some measure of serious thought behind them. we are, as hirshman points out, highly educated. we're not just cavalierly staying home or whimsically going to work. and you know what? it's not just hirshman, i read something somewhere the other day (and i wish i'd bookmarked it because i can't find it again) that said those of us who are trying to do it all are basically martyrs and idiots. we should, of course, be out at the spa more. uh, yeah. i think we'd all feel better with a bit of spa time (or at least the ensuing laughter), but when you're juggling all the balls and working to pay even the basic bills there just isn't time for the spa. i can't think of a single working mother who wouldn't pamper herself more if she had the resources to do so.

what bugs me the most about this is not so much that women's choices are being questioned because maybe we all do need to look at things differently and maybe we are sacrificing more of ourselves than we need to, but what bothers me is that women hurt each other with things like this all the time. men aren't out there sniping at each other about the choices they make for the good of their families. men just seem to accept that what one guy does is his business and that these decisions are personal.

sometimes i think we're our own worst enemies.

i believed in the whole solidarity of womanhood because i was trained to believe it. and, more importantly, i felt it. i went to an all women's college and i bought the whole program--that is until something happened and all the feminists from the original front lines (you know, the bra burners) turned against us running-shoe-wearing-yuppie-pseudo-feminists who couldn't possibly know what the struggle was about.

not one of us has a corner on the market. we all have our struggles and within those struggles there are more similarities than differences. why isolate each other? why make it harder? it's hard enough already.

i'm it!

so, jack's raging mommy tagged me to do the five random things about me meme, and i'm doing it because JRM is my cherry poppin' momma.

1. in the late 80s i had six-inch long, orange, spiked hair and a tail and thought i looked especially cool when i wore my hot pink guess overalls and yellow chucks. i was a sight to behold. just ask my mother.

2. on a research trip to paris i ate langoustines at le grand vefour and sat at colette's table, on the very red velvet banquette where she often held court when she lived in palais royale.

3. i would like to get a master's degree in culinary arts.

4. at my high school graduation rehearsal i sat next to a guy who was accused of date-raping some local girls. he went on the lam and was featured several times on america's most wanted before finally being captured overseas.

5. i try not to read reviews of my books.

so, moving right along, i'm going to tag colleen at the delaney diaries.

delusions of maternal superheroism

sometimes during the mundane everyday tasks of life my mind wanders. i start to run worst case scenarios and their most plausible (!) escape plans through my head. it's not something i talk about with people because, well, it's just feels a wee bit too nutty, even for me.

for example, two days ago i was lying on the bed nursing the girl and i realized i'd forgotten to lock the back door. no biggie, really, i mean, this isn't the most dangerous place in the world. still, my mind was off and running. what would i do if a stranger entered the house? i had no phone upstairs with me and we'd be trapped with no way to call for help.

enter mommy macgyver! first, i'd run across the hall and grab the boy. then i'd barricade the door. with the dresser! but, but, pushing it hard like that might make the legs collapse. no matter, our lives are at stake! dresser legs can be fixed! before i do that i should wedge a chair under the doorknob. the only chair, i realize, is a big old wooden rocking chair. would it work? no time to think about it, the dresser would have to do.

from under the bed i'd pull our fire escape ladder and run across the room to fling open the window. after unfurling the ladder i would realize the boy is too terrified to climb down on his own and i'd have to heave him up on my back. the girl? i'd whip a sheet off the bed and fashion some sort of sling out of that and down i'd go, boy on my back, girl strapped across my chest. we'd get to the bottom and i'd run safely to the neighbor's house to call the police.

the day would be saved!

the end.

thank goodness i don't have more kids. i'd have to be like the chiquita banana lady with a pile of kidlets stacked high on my ill-balanced head.

what's cooking wednesday!

today's offering is a simple, and i mean really, really easy, yet very impressive breakfast recipe. even kids like this one. for individual pancakes use 4 1/2 inch pie pans. for a large, family-style breakfast use a couple of 8- or 9-inch cake or pie pans or a large casserole dish. kids like to use the individual size because they can add their own fillings.

German Oven Pancakes

2 cups bananas, sliced
2 cups strawberries, sliced
1 cup blueberries, washed and picked over
2 cups sliced apples
1 cup pecans or walnuts, chopped
1/4 cup honey
1 cup all purpose flour
6 eggs, beaten
1 cup milk (if you don't want to use whole milk go for 2%)
4 Tablespoons butter, melted
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon nutmeg, grated
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon, ground
2 cups non fat yogurt, plain or vanilla
1/4 cup powdered sugar for garnish

1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Lightly grease baking pan(s).

2. In a medium-sized bowl combine the bananas, strawberries, blueberries, apples, and nuts. Toss to combine.

3. Gently fold in honey until it is evenly distributed throughout the fruit and nut mixture.

4. In another bowl combine flour, eggs, milk, butter, salt, nutmeg, and cinnamon and whisk briskly to work out the lumps.

5. Pour about 1/4-inch of batter into pans and bake for 15 to 25 minutes (depending on pan size) or until the pancake is puffy and golden brown. It will rise high on the sides and will look like a bowl.

6. Remove from oven and allow to cool slightly before filling with yogurt and honeyed fruit and nuts. Dust with powdered sugar and serve.

** Note: Any combination of fruits works well in this recipe.

bon appetit peeps!

in which it all goes south

in so many, many ways and i will apologize in advance for what is about to unfold here today.

yesterday afternoon in the midst of pukefest 2006 the boy, unbeknownst to me, used a drinking glass to...um...catch his byproducts. apparently he thought it would be a wise idea to put it back on the side table in the family room for future use.

a little while later, innocent of his little deposit, i entered said family room to see how the children were faring. and the girl? she was in possession of that glass. i rushed over, concerned, simply, as any neurotic mother would be, that she would break the glass and cut herself to death. what i discovered instead was worse than the day i caught the dog eating the poo right out of the baby's diaper. far, far worse. worse even than the pee drinking incident. the glass was virtually empty when i snatched it from her chubby-knuckled hands, but there was enough of something in it to make me ask the boy, "what in the...what in god's name?!...did you puke *in* this glass?!" his averted gaze told me everything i needed to know. "how much? when? oh, my, GOD! spit it out! spit it out! no, no! yuck!!" i showed him what remained in the glass and asked, "was there a lot more than this in here?" he shrugged. "no, i think that was it."

oh.

and then this afternoon i heard him run for the bathroom. from behind the closed door came, "i think i just had diarrhea!" i answered, "that's okaaaaaaaaaaaaaay," without any particular concern about the whole subject other than hoping he'd undertake the wiping himself. then i heard, "i made it to the potty!" which was something that hadn't even entered my consciousness at that point, but my relief at that moment would have been palpable to anyone in a five foot radius. a few minutes later, "hey mom, know what i found on the toilet paper?" innocently i was thinking of the paper *on* the roll. "no, what?" "popcorn," said he. i replied with a simple, yet quizzical, "oh?" i was merely feigning interest as i surfed my favorite blogs. and then he said, "know why?" "um, no. no idea." "because i had popcorn at the movie theater two days ago."

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

the puking flu

it's here. it has taken up residence in the body of the boy. J had a bad case of the trots a week ago and i thought we might have escaped by the skin of our teeth. alas, i was wrong and at 4am the puking commenced. i hoped against hope that it was just the popcorn and rootbeer from the curious george movie, and then it happened again at 5am.

J got up with him the first time. the second time i hobbled down the hall to see what was up. he was bent over the porcelain bowl. i offered a tissue and rubbed his tiny back. when he was done he looked at me in horror, and in a state of panic asked, "am i sick?!"

"i'm afraid so, buddy."

the tears flowed and he wailed, "but i want my playdate with T and Z!!!"

needless to say, that playdate has been postponed. and the puking continues. at one point he puked *on* the toilet lid and cried that he didn't get there fast enough. the girl? she put her hand right in it. all hope of keeping this contained seems lost in spite of my use of copious amounts of hand sanitizer.

the good news? it's not a pinworm infestation!

in other news, i walked 12 (TWELVE) miles yesterday in 20 degree weather as part of my training for the avon walk. it was very very long. but S and i lived through it in spite of the fact that she threatened to beat me to death if i said, "we're almost there!" one more time. it was an idle threat because of course i kept saying it. and look! i'm still alive! we took a break to pee at the ice rink and another quick break to get something to drink from my car, but other than that we walked and walked and walked. and talked and talked and talked. i am wondering when we will run out of things to say.

there are many more miles of walking and talking to go....

freedom!

girls' night out is soooooooooooooo happening tonight. there will be no children and we shall eat real food with onions, smoked fish, stinky cheese and wine, glorious wine! we'll be at my parents' house (they aren't here in the winter) so it will be clean and spacious and did i mention clean? ahhhhhhhhhhh.

what's cooking wednesday!

it's what's cooking wednesday at casa oy!. today's installment is one of my tried and true favorites. it has served as picnic fare, a holiday treat, and most of all, a way to ward off hormonal rages every month when i was trying to get pregnant. okay, it didn't help the waistline, but hey, what good is a cookie if it isn't being eaten?! which reminds me, the boy said yesterday that he found a "old, rotten cookie behind" the futon he and the girl like to call their couch. i saw that cookie. it was neither old nor rotten. and then i thought about it and realized that i don't think i've ever seen an old, rotten cookie in my life.

i created this recipe about eight years ago and they are the boy's favorite cookies:

Chocolate Spice Cookies
1 1/2 cups granulated sugar
1 cup (two sticks) unsalted butter
2 eggs
2 cups flour
3/4 cup cocoa
1 tsp. cream of tartar
1/4 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda

4 Tbsp. granulated sugar
2 tsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. ground cloves

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
2. In the bowl of an electric mixer cream butter, sugar, and eggs.
3. Sift together flour, cocoa, cream of tartar, salt, and baking soda. Add to butter mixture and mix well, but do not overmix.
4. In a small bowl combine the 4 tablespoons of sugar, 2 teaspoons of cinnamon, and ground cloves (DON'T skip the cloves, they're essential!) and mix until well blended.
5. Roll cookie dough into 1 1/2 inch balls and then roll in cinnamon/sugar mixture until completely coated.
6. Place dough balls about two inches apart on ungreased cookie sheets and bake in the middle of the oven until just barely set (about 12 minutes, but watch them carefully as they bake. They will puff up, then collapse and start to crack, which is the point at which they are close to being done.)

Enjoy, peeps!

i miss myself sometimes

yes, it’s true. oh so very true. there are days i miss myself. i miss the self i used to be. the carefree, unscheduled, late-sleeping, late-to-bed, globe-trotting, interesting self without stretch marks. the self who was full of heady conversation and creative energy. where did she go? a child was born and she retreated into the shadows, occasionally peering around a corner, only staying long enough to leave me lamenting what often seems like a tremendous loss. it is at those times I become a ridiculous study in self-pity.

am i defined by motherhood? part of me will happily exclaim, “YES! a thousand times yes!” because motherhood *is* all encompassing and it *is* a beautiful, fulfilling, and sometimes even magical experience. it affects every single thing i do and possibly every single thought i have. but it can also be suffocating and i sometimes recoil in horror at the thought that my entire life has been suddenly enclosed by one single word with so many contradictory implications.

i want to see movies in an actual movie theater more than twice a year. i long for late evenings out in real restaurants where one is unlikely to see a single child or hear a single whine, except maybe from the sommelier who laments the neighboring table’s choice of chardonnay with roast duck served in a thick, rich demi glace. (i know, I won’t even mention the side dishes—it’s all too much for the regular moms among us who don’t have nannies and/or perfectly well-behaved children who will sit so still in restaurant chairs that no one will detect their ill-advised presence.) what i wouldn’t give for an hour of uninterrupted conversation with the man who stole my heart nearly a decade ago. i miss him too, i guess. i want to just hop in the car and go somewhere without having to worry about strapping the wee people into their seats and filling the hatchback with piles of necessary kid things. i want to sleep. for the love of god I need to sleep.

fantasies in my childless twenties involved beautiful people, sex, and controlled substances. my current fantasies involve a hotel room at the four seasons by myself with room service and silence. and possibly a trip or two to the mini bar. does that make me boring? matronly? i cringe just writing that word.

but these kids. the boy on the cusp between babyhood and real boyhood. all big and know-it-all one minute and swimming in a pool of baby tears the next. my heart could break just watching him struggle to grow. and the girl with her personality exploding all over the house. she pokes at my eyes and ears and mouth and tells me what they are and flashes a big toothy grin and says, “i yuv yoooooooooo.” and my heart could explode from the joy of it. the other night while doing her rounds of goodnight kisses she stopped in front of the television and planted one on bob costas. even at the end of the toughest day with these little people something like that erases everything and reminds me that i’m more in touch with myself now than i ever have been. being a mother keeps me raw with a full range of emotions. it reminds me that i’m human. and feisty. and fiercely protective. and it has given me a new appreciation for my own parents and their goofy ways.

today a teenage boy pointed his car at mine and laughed as he swerved at me. i stopped in front of him and looked him in the eye and thought to myself, “i pushed two eight pound humans out of my VaGiNa. don’t fuck with me.”

and it felt good.

god, did that even make any sense?

help for annika

annika is a beautiful, vibrant, fiesty little five year old girl who has been through more in her little life than most of us will endure over a lifetime. her mom, moreena, is the author of "falling down is also a gift," where she chronicles life with annika and her little sister, frankie.

annika was born with liver disease and has had two life-saving organ transplant surgeries. several months ago she was hospitalized due to complications, which moreena explains beautifully on her blog, had major surgery, and was kept heavily sedated while her body healed. not long ago annika was allowed to go home, but shortly after her arrival there she experienced more complications and returned to the hospital where she was again admitted to the PICU.

two days ago moreena and her husband, joerg, found out that due to an insurance glitch all of annika's available insurance coverage has already been used for the year. $1 million in coverage is gone. and it's only february. and annika will need a lot more care throughout the rest of this year. her parents will have to buy additional insurance coverage at a rate of about $2,000 to $3,000/month, a virtual impossibility.

SO

the internets, they are raising some funds! moreena is setting up a direct donation fund with COTA and several internet peeps are organizing a variety of other fundraising initiatives on annika's behalf. all monies raised will be donated to the COTA fundraising campaign. i have offered to start knitting things to be raffled off. my first project is featured on a site dedicated to organizing all the fundraising campaigns. it's here and will be linked via sidebar button as soon as buttons are available (peeps are working on those too!).

if you haven't already, please go read about annika, donate if you can, make something if you want to, and send positive thoughts like crazy to this family.

the internet, she is good.

**update** i put a "button" on the sidebar, but i'm too html stoopid to figure out how to make it a hot button, so the link is below the button for now. once i figure it out i'll put up the other two buttons as well. button thanks to SB of 12cats.